Can't you see John at a Hyundai dealership? The salesman is touting all the features of the new Elantra, showing him the built-in GPS system, the airbags, the stereo system ... and John gets a few friends to balance the sedan on his skull. Is "spot for my skull to fit" a dealer-installed option?

We'd love to see him moving into a new home sometime.

Biggest gathering of people dressed as Smurfs

Crowd records are sort of a league of their own. Getting a massive number of humans, who are known for their capriciousness, to get together and perform a single act in unison is a difficult, if not nearly impossible, endeavor. Anyone who's tried to get a conference table full of people to agree on where to go to lunch can tell you this.

So hat's off to the good people of Swansea, Wales, where 2,510 people gathered together dressed as Smurfs, complete with blue body paint and white hats, trousers and shoes, on June 8, 2009. The gathering broke the record set less than a year earlier by 1,253 people in Castleblayney, Ireland.

But even the new record didn't last for long. On June 25, 2011, which apparently is "Global Smurfs Day," a total of 4,891 people dressed as Smurfs in 11 locations simultaneously around the world, claiming a new title for "Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Smurfs within a 24-hour Period in Multiple Venues."

And, no, we're not Smurfing you. That really did happen. If that's enough to drive you to drink, you'll love our last selection.

World's largest glass of beer

Who doesn't love a properly pulled pint of beer or ale? Who is so soulless that they can't appreciate the way the beer fills the glass with a golden (or amber or brown) cascade. Most people watching this will suddenly become aware of an overpowering thirst.

Now imagine the beer glass being filled contains 396 gallons of Guinness. Imagine gallon after gallon of Ireland's finest being lovingly decanted into a glass large enough to drown a rhino. Can you see it?

Oh, dear. We've lost you, haven't we? You've gone off to happy beer land, where all the taps are full and the beer glasses are big enough to swan dive into.

While we're not sure what the folks at The Auld Dubliner Irish Pub, in Tustin, Calif., did to celebrate their massive achievement in November 2009, we're willing to bet it involved chicken dancing.