No. 3: Nacho cheese
It's orange. It's cheese flavored. You could eat a pound of it while watching football. It makes you really fat. That's about where the similarities end between nacho cheese and actual cheese.
There is no logical explanation for eating nacho cheese. It doesn't taste good. It's messy. It's unhealthy.
That hasn't stopped you, however, from fantasizing about swimming naked in a river of nacho cheese while nacho cheese nymphs swim by wearing tortilla chip bikinis. It also hasn't stopped you from secretly scraping the clear plastic bottom of a discarded nacho plate at a baseball game in order to get a sample of the delicious radioactive-orange colored substance.
The greatest moment in nacho cheese history occurred several years ago when Barney Jacklestomp used it as adhesive for a gingerbread house to leave out for Santa on Christmas Eve. Santa loves nacho cheese ... and cookies.
Speaking of cookies, let's look at No. 2 ...
No. 2: Store-brand sandwich cookies
A trip down the grocery store snack aisle reveals a plethora of disgusting foods we love, none more than prepackaged cookies.
You know the ones. They're the cookies that require you to remove a plastic tray out of a plastic bag, a bag containing hundreds of round crème-filled delicacies, crème filled delicacies that leave a film in your mouth for weeks, a film that must be scrubbed away the next morning with a hydroelectric toothbrush, a toothbrush that must be thrown away after making contact with the aforementioned film.
There's no deception with these delicious wonders (other than, perhaps, the self deception of you saying you're never going to eat them again).
There are no claims of low fat or low sugar or low calorie; the only thing low about these is your self-esteem after plowing through the entire bag (and loving every second of it).
But if you really love sugar, you'll love our No.1 choice ...
No. 1: Candy corn
Kids love corn. Kids love candy. Although candy corns have no actual corn, and although the candy component of one of the most disgusting delicious foods ever created is unrecognizable, kids (and adults) love candy corns.
Although candy corns do not contain a warning on the label, they should. They can bring on quite the sugar high.
However, no matter how believable they are, there's no truth to reports of incidents of candy corn gorging, followed by toxic shock delirium, followed by planting a garden of candy corns in hope that a candy cornstalk will be ready for harvest in a few months.
The main ingredients of candy corn are sugar, corn syrup, and artificial colors and binders. No wonder it tastes so good!
Although candy corns are a popular Halloween treat, their value exists in their ability to remain fresh and consumable in the sugar drought that occurs after Halloween chocolate is gone and before Thanksgiving's most disgusting, lovable desserts commence.