Even if you think your partner is dead sexy, it doesn't mean you'll be tearing each other's clothes off the second you walk in the door. Life gets in the way.
"Sometimes couples try to squeeze it in at 11 p.m. when one or both are exhausted," Lipthrott said.
Scheduling some bedroom time doesn't have to be boring or monotonous. Creating date nights or an occasional overnight getaway is essential, especially if you have children.
Fertel recommends couples getting a room once a month and having a baby sitter watch the children. He said the excitement of a new place and mystery can be amazing and feel exciting.
"It is a wonderful thing to have an affair with your spouse," he said.
Fertel also said people should keep their kids out of the bedroom at all times.
"Your bedroom should not be Grand Central Station. It should be a sacred place for husband and a wife," he said. "You should feel safe, like intimacy can occur at any time and you can be spontaneous."
Setting The Mood
Once you've got the desire and the time, it can help keep the momentum and desire going before and long after.
Lipthrott said it can be as simple as creating a positive environment. Laughing together, smiling more and appreciating each other can be a real aphrodisiac.
"Don't just wait until you are in the mood to do something nice," she said.
Putting thought into the moment can also go a long way. Break out special perfume, light some candles and play some soft music.
Creating something to look forward to and long for can be a turn on. Make sure you leave yourself enough time for kissing, cuddling and maybe a sensual massage.
You can also keep it fun by switching things up now and then. Don't do the same things, the same way, every time. Talk with your partner about things you would like to try.
But, Lipthrott said, don't try to coerce or shame your partner into something they are not comfortable with.
And don't assume just because they love you they always know how to turn you on.
"Teach each other how to be a good sexual partner," she said.
Sometimes, that means just understanding the needs of your spouse. In general, women like to feel connected to their partner in non-sexual ways, Lipthrott said. Men can do little thoughtful things to let a woman know he is thinking about her -- not just on the days you want to have sex.
"If she doesn't feel emotionally connected to you, you won't get any!" she said.