Two recent, tragic cases show that just because we recognize a person in the neighborhood, it doesn’t make that person safe -- something children just don’t understand. 

Last December, 7-year-old Jorelys Rivera disappeared walking home from the playground at the apartment complex where she lived near Atlanta.  During that short walk, she came across Ryan Brunn, likely never considering him a stranger as he was a maintenance  worker and well-known in the complex. 

Police say Brunn told the little girl he had found her roller skate and then led her to an empty apartment to retrieve it.  He admitted to raping the 7-year-old and then stabbing her to death.

In October of 2009, 7-year-old Somer Thompson disappeared in Orange Park as she was walking home from school.  Last Friday, Jarred Harrell pled guilty to murdering the first-grader.  She likely thought she had no reason to fear him. She walked passed his family's house every day going to and from school. 

The day she disappeared, Somer stopped and Harrell lured her inside to see his mother's dog.  It was someone she considered a neighbor, not a stranger, even though just day earlier Somer Thompson’s mom had warned her about not talking to strangers.

“I think the problem with the concept of Stranger Danger is that it doesn't meet reality,” says Dr. Holly Antal, a pediatric psychologist with Nemours Children’s Clinic.   It's more like it's going to be someone the child has had contact with in the past so teaching children that strangers, someone they've never seen before is the feared person, would be misleading to that child and could potentially put them at danger.”

That’s why Antal recommends parents create a Safe List for their children instead.  “Talk to your child about the adults who are trusted who they can go with at any time and know they are safe to be with that person.  That would be a short list of primary caretakers, parents, guardians, grandparents who live locally.”

With the Safe List, your child knows if a person is not on the list, your child is never allowed to talk to that person, removing any confusion a child may have about talking to someone they do recognize, but do not know.

Something else Antal says parents should teach their children: it’s okay to be rude when they’re alone. “Walking away from an adult who is not on the safe list or turning away from them is keeping themselves safe and that they will not get into trouble when they get home.”

Antal says role play with your child and come up with different scenarios like a man or a woman coming up to them when they're outside playing.   Ryan Brunn used a skate to trick Jorelys Rivera.  Jarred Harrell used a dog to lure Somer Thompson into his home.   Use that scenario or a person who may have a dog or be offering candy. Again, remind your child if they're not on the list, ignore that person and walk away.

No one will ever know if a Safe List would have saved Jorelys Rivera or Somer Thompson, but we do know the men who killed them were not strangers in their eyes but men they’d seen before and didn’t fear, until it was too late.