Of course, there's also the question of water. Specifically, "Where was it?"

Nothing I read adequately covered this rather important detail, and I didn't exactly raise the bar very high. I literally would've accepted "magic" as a suitable answer.

So, who knows?

But, anyway, that's the (possibly) amazing animal story trending out of Brazil. And the Web absolutely loves it. Though, remarkably, Manuela isn't the only pet tortoise who has recently found its way into the world's collective consciousness.

There's also Sammy -- the beloved 100-pound companion of San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who will be playing in Super Bowl XLVII this weekend in New Orleans.

Kaepernick. Not Sammy. Though, the latter would be far more interesting. Especially when it starts eating the 30-yard-line.

"This tastes terrible."

"It's synthetic turf."

"Well, I'll be damned." Munch. Munch. "Say, aren't you Beyonce?"

Anyway, there's my feeble attempt to somehow relate all this to the Super Bowl.

Naturally, Sammy the tortoise won't be on Kaepernick's mind on Sunday when he takes on the Baltimore Ravens. But there's a pretty good chance you'll hear about the exotic pet in one of those over-produced, pregame mini-biopics. Perhaps even punctuated by the music of Boz Scaggs.

Tortoises. They're into that.