Whitney Port is opening up further about the “all-consuming” and “heartbreaking” grief of suffering a miscarriage.
In July, Port revealed that she and her husband, Tim Rosenman, had lost what would have been their second child, sharing how she felt overwhelmed with feelings ranging from shock and sadness to relief and subsequent guilt.
The 34-year-old reality star spoke further about her ongoing heartache while chatting with co-star Kaitlynn Carter during Monday’s two-hour season finale of The Hills: New Beginnings.
During the episode, Port explained how feeling some sense of relief following the news made it difficult to talk about her loss because she didn’t want to be perceived as insensitive. She also indicated that the emotion stemmed from not feeling 100 percent ready for a second child (the couple have a 2-year-old son named Sonny.)
Fueling her mixed feelings, she noted how she is still grappling with the 2013 death of her father, Jeffrey.
“Losing my father was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and then having this happen and then not having him to even talk to about it was so hard,” Port told Carter.
She described the trauma of miscarrying a baby “like a death is happening inside your body.”
“The grief is all-consuming,” she said. “It’s all you can think about. It’s like a death is happening inside your body, and you’re also supposed to show up for your child that you have and you can’t really be sad in front of them, and you’re just confused if your feelings are okay [or] if they’re too dramatic.”
“The thought of the death of something that you haven’t met yet … it feels silly, but it’s not, because it’s you,” Port also said during the episode. “It’s a part of the love you have with your husband and it’s just heartbreaking.”
She admitted that she feels the weight of Rosenman wanting more children, while she isn’t sure if she will ever feel ready again.
“If it never is the right time, it won’t happen,” Rosenman assured her during the finale. “And, if it becomes the right time or our feelings change, we can keep having this conversation as we go.”
See more on Port and other celebrities who have struggled with miscarriages below.
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