Divorce and family law cases are some of the most emotional legal matters people will ever face. But while emotions run high, the courtroom is not the place to let them run free. In Split Happens, Episode 6, host Katie Garner sits down with board-certified marital and family law attorney Jay Henderlite of Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite to unpack a topic many people overlook until it’s too late: courtroom etiquette.
What you wear, how you behave, and even what you do when you’re not speaking can significantly influence how a judge perceives you—and, ultimately, the decisions that affect your life and your family.
First Impressions Still Matter in Court
Court may not be black tie, but it is still a serious setting where judges make life-altering decisions. According to Henderlite, one of the most common mistakes people make—especially in family court—is not taking appearance seriously enough.
You don’t need a suit or formal gown, but you do need to look presentable. Showing up in ripped jeans, tank tops, or casual lounge wear sends the wrong message. The same applies to virtual hearings: appearing on Zoom in pajamas, bedhead, or distracted attire can undermine your credibility just as quickly as doing so in person.
The takeaway? Dress like you respect the process—because the court expects you to.
Body Language Speaks Even When You Don’t
Judges observe more than just testimony. They watch how parties carry themselves throughout the entire proceeding.
Crossed arms, eye-rolling, scoffing, shaking your head, or visible frustration while the other party is speaking can signal anger, hostility, or lack of self-control. In family law cases, those signals can be particularly damaging—especially when issues like co-parenting, cooperation, and emotional stability are at stake.
Even if your feelings are justified, broadcasting them through body language can work against you.
🎙️ Watch Episode 1: Split Happens reframes what it means to ‘win’ at divorce| 🎙️ Watch Episode 2: Split Happens breaks down custody, visitation and support | 🎙️ Watch Episode 3: Facing divorce stress? Ep. 3 of Split Happens breaks down alimony and financial fears
The Golden Rule: Everything Is On the Record
A critical reminder from the episode: everything is on the record, whether you realize it or not. Even when you’re not testifying, you are still in the judge’s line of sight.
You can deliver thoughtful, credible testimony—but undo much of that work by reacting poorly when someone else is speaking. Judges are skilled at spotting inconsistencies between what someone says and how they behave. Emotional outbursts, exaggerated reactions, or performative displays can make testimony feel staged rather than sincere.
Authenticity matters. So does restraint.
Managing Emotion Without Losing Credibility
Family court is emotional by nature. Judges expect some tears, particularly when children and family futures are involved. In fact, a complete lack of emotion can sometimes raise concerns.
The emotion that causes the most trouble, however, is anger.
Visible anger can suggest an inability to co-parent, a desire to punish the other party, or difficulty moving forward constructively. These perceptions can directly affect outcomes related to custody, parenting plans, and decision-making authority.
Preparing emotionally before court—through reflection, counseling, or legal guidance—can help prevent anger from overshadowing your goals.
Confidence Isn’t Required—Honesty Is
While confidence can help, Henderlite emphasizes that it is not the most important factor in court. Many people going through divorce feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted.
What judges respond to most is truthfulness.
The most credible witnesses are those who simply tell their story as they lived it—without exaggeration, scripting, or trying to guess what the court wants to hear. Over-explaining or reshaping facts often creates more anxiety and undermines trust.
Your lived experience is enough. You don’t need to perform it.
Technology in the Courtroom: Use With Caution
Yes, you can bring your phone or tablet—but how you use it matters. Scrolling social media, texting, or appearing disengaged during proceedings can make a lasting negative impression.
Whether in person or on Zoom, court demands focus and respect. The shift to virtual hearings hasn’t changed the seriousness of the process—only the setting.
Making the Right Impression When It Matters Most
Courtroom etiquette isn’t about perfection. It’s about presenting the best, most composed version of yourself during a critical moment in your life.
As Split Happens, Episode 6 makes clear, judges remember behavior—especially behavior that stands out for the wrong reasons. Thoughtful preparation, emotional awareness, and respect for the process can go a long way toward protecting your credibility and your future.
Sponsored by Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite
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