Divorce doesn’t just impact spouses—it reshapes entire families. In Episode 8 of Split Happens, hosts Katie Garner and board-certified family law attorney Jay Henderlite focus on what matters most during separation: your children.
When parents separate, kids—whether toddlers or teenagers—feel it.
“Divorce or any kind of separation of parents is an adverse childhood experience,” Henderlite explains.
That doesn’t mean it will permanently harm them, but it does mean the experience will shape them in some way. The key question becomes: How can parents minimize the negative impact and protect their children emotionally during divorce?
How Divorce Affects Children at Different Ages
Hosted by meteorologist Katie Garner and Jacksonville board-certified family law attorney Jay Henderlite, this episode explores how children process divorce differently depending on their developmental stage.
- Young children (3–7 years old) may not fully understand the reasons behind the separation, but they absolutely sense tension. Children intuitively pick up on conflict, even when parents believe they are shielding them.
- School-aged children (6–10 years old) may begin asking questions and noticing inconsistencies between households.
- Teenagers often demand answers. They want to know why the marriage ended, who is at fault, and why their routines must change.
Garner and Henderlite emphasize that children see and understand far more than adults realize. Even if they cannot articulate it, they internalize conflict—and modeling unhealthy behavior in the home can normalize dysfunction for their future relationships.
One common misconception addressed in the episode is the idea of “staying together for the kids.” While stability can be beneficial, modeling a hostile or unhealthy marriage can also create long-term emotional consequences. Protecting children sometimes means prioritizing healthy co-parenting—even after separation.
Keeping Kids Out of the Conflict
One of the most powerful takeaways from this episode: Keep the children out of the middle.
Children should never feel responsible for the divorce, nor should they feel forced to “choose” one parent over the other. When parents compete—whether through gifts, relaxed rules, or emotional persuasion—it places unnecessary pressure on children.
Garner and Henderlite discuss common pitfalls, including:
- Speaking negatively about the other parent
- Competing to be the “favorite” household
- Allowing inconsistent rules between homes
- Relying on authoritarian parenting with adolescents
Uniform expectations and aligned discipline between households provide children with security. While co-parenting alignment may be difficult—especially when emotions are high—it remains one of the strongest protective factors for children navigating divorce.
Parenting the Child You Have
Episode 8 also dives into a deeper parenting principle: avoiding the trap of parenting the child you wish you had, rather than the child you actually have. Every child is unique. Developmental transitions—especially adolescence—require parents to evolve from rigid “because I said so” authority toward structured, explained expectations that foster respect and understanding.
As Henderlite notes, when parents fail to adapt their parenting approach as children grow older, teens may naturally gravitate toward the more permissive household. The solution isn’t control—it’s communication, structure, and consistency.
Moving Forward with Stability and Support
Divorce is difficult. Emotions run high. But children thrive when parents:
- Maintain structure and routine
- Avoid exposing them to adult conflict
- Present a united front when possible
- Respect each other’s role in the child’s life
Divorce may change your family dynamic, but it does not have to damage your children’s future. With thoughtful co-parenting and experienced legal guidance, families can transition with resilience.
Sponsored by Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite
Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite specializes in divorce, custody disputes, child support, alimony, and all areas of family law. With three board-certified marital and family law experts, their firm provides trusted legal guidance for clients across Northeast Florida, serving from offices in Downtown Jacksonville, Southside/St. Johns/Beaches, and Fernandina Beach.
218 E. Ashley St, Jacksonville, FL 32202(904) 619-1386 | familylawyerjax.com | splithappens.neocities.org
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